I call this part of my journey the pursuit of Joy…
So far I have travelled a thousand miles and met hundreds of people but very few have become special to me and I call my friends. Of these even a smaller number stand out as those who know me inside out and I have come to trust these people implicitly. They know what makes me tick and how I am wired and somehow because they know me I am able to get to know myself a little bit better. I see myself through their eyes and am beginning to realise that what I say and do, because I trust and love them, is tailored to reflect my core to them; I laugh more and am not afraid to cry in there presence.
However, these relationships, don’t define me completely; there is a more important one that moulds me and directs my actions. For this particular relationship I am happy to step back and be corrected and go through a tough situation knowing that He is watching my back and protects me. It has come to become a relevant and realistic relationship, which has begun to define me more than my ethnicity or my language preferences or my citizenship.
There was a time when I would test out this relationship by asking for a car or a job or a pair of boots; now the tide is shifting. I am happy to ask what he wants from me. How would he like me to live out this particular journey and what brings Him joy. It is bizarre but what gave me pleasure and joy before has become completely bland and I struggle to see the importance of a fancy outfit or a three-course meal except when it is filtered through a lens of purposefulness. Don’t get me wrong; I still love beautiful things but my joy comes from the reason I explore or experience these.
So having established the fact that this joy is different and therefore the experiential aspect is explored from a totally different approach; the mind must set out to discover the extent of this Joy so that it is a constant part of my life; my waking moments and my sleeping dreams. However, I know that the pursuit of this Joy comes not from any action that I take but because of this special relationship I am coming into. Colours seem brighter and the laughter of children peals like bells in the mountains, resounding and echoing exuberance. As I discover and delve deeper into this well, I come away refreshed and reassured; my image of myself is changed at every step. Suddenly and astonishingly, I discover that I was a mere shadow of what I am actually meant to be. The grey of my endeavours is taking on a myriad of hues as I rest and allow the relationship to define and reveal who I am actually meant to be. I feel very much like an over grown rose bush and can do nothing about my intertwined stems till my gardener picks up the secateurs lovingly and begins to reveal my strong stem and free up the areas where the flowers will be free to blossom.
I can experience the fragrance grow stronger and more welcoming when I am in the His presence and that is when someone walks over and mentions how pleasant and beautiful I look. Then it does not matter what desert I am planted in for my source of rejuvenation is the Lord. He will water me and I will bloom all the better to please Him, for HE is my joy.